My fellow Democrats — and anyone else who may be watching — I make this special appearance tonight for the purpose of gloating, er, celebrating our recent victory, which was won against the will of the people, and which will make them poorer and less healthy. But never mind that, the important thing is to have played the game of politics and won — the consequences be damned.
Having succeeded in attaining a major goal of this administration, I will now turn to our other major goals, which are to:
- tax and regulate Americans until their entrepreneurial spirit and work ethic sink to European levels
- reject our traditional allies, while bowing to the forces that would destroy us — which will make us even more European.
I close this brief address by paraphrasing the sainted John F. Kennedy: Ask not what your country can do for you, but what your country can do to you if you are a heterosexual male with a good job, above-average income, and traditional views about family, morality, limited government, and fiscal responsibility. The worst is yet to come. Bwah-ha-ha-ha-ha.