While awaiting the return of my wife to our car in a grocery-store parking lot, I observed a few of the myriad instances of the thoughtlessness that is endemic in the public behavior of Americans. In particular, I noted the abject failure of drivers (usually women) to park parallel to the side-lines of a space and approximately midway between them. That behavior reminded me of other types of behavior that cause confusion and chaos on America’s highways and by-ways.
It seems to me that the problem would soon be cured by the swift and certain administration of justice; for example:
Failure to park as described above, even in a private parking lot: punishable by a fine of $1,000 for each violation.
Failure to move one’s automobile forward within a centisecond after a light turns green: punishable by a fine of $1,000 for each violation. If the driver of an automobile fails to move his car forward within the prescribed length of time, said driver is responsible for any damage to the rear of said automobile.
Failure to move forward into an intersection, without impeding oncoming traffic, when a light is green, and then completing one’s left turn when oncoming traffic has cleared: punishable by a fine of $1,000 for each violation.
Driving in a passing lane when one is not passing: punishable by 1 day in jail. The sentence rises by 1 day in jail for each successive violation. The guilty driver has no legal recourse if his automobile is rear-ended by another vehicle.
Passing on the right, except when the passing lane is blocked by a non-passing vehicle: punishable by 1 week in jail. The sentence rises by 1 week for each successive violation.
Running a red light: punishable by a year in jail. The sentence rises by a year for each successive violation.
In no instance will a guilty party be allowed bail, time off for good behavior, or parole.